This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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