I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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