Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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