a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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