Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
