party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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