well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
