even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
