Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
