How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
