OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
