Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
