I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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