just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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