My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I look better un-naked...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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