Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize