He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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