I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize