I hate your face
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The air taste purple.
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