So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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