Im at strip club and am horny
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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