Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
