I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
