I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I look better un-naked...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
