Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
