just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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