does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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