But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
