this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize