if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize