i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
