Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
