Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
