thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
