Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
