If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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