come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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