the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize