Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
