I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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