She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
