The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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