Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm passing your future prison.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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