No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
