i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
