why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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