i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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