Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
