sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
