New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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