The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
