the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
time to smoke my breakfast
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
