its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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