Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
