he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
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Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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