Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
