just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
