my vag is so smooth its legendary
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
