I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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