I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i came on her dog
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
