Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There's always time for handjobs
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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