Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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