I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
