Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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