Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
