was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
