I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
