Screwed.edu
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
